Sweet Nothings

Soapies

What would we do without soap operas? Especially with they’re convoluted story lines, filled with creepy incestuous relationships, and old men finding true love in his ex-wive’s sister niece. Well I suppose that hasn’t ended since Channel 10 decided to move “The Bold and the Beautiful” into a prime time slot. I’ve flicked on the tv at 6 expecting my daily fix of my beloved The Simpsons episodes, only to be confronted with a leathery looking gentleman in bed with another leathery looking blonde expressing they’re love for each other. The thing is that the guy is infact the lady’s half-son. Hey, you’ve only got half the DNA, that’s ok, that’s not wrong at all! So of course, this like many other soap operas involve some sort of millionaire tycoon and his empire, but instead of just being a family man, he lets the power and money get to him and he ends up impregnanting everything and anything with legs, in turn giving life to  a small town worth of offspring, who *gasp* will go on to marry each other, and produce more children. There’s apparently a doctor on that show, she should know better, but no, she’s too busy being in a relationship with her eldery half brother.

Australian soapies have ended, and next year the viewer will expect yet ANOTHER fire, flood, drowning, explosion via attachment to plane/ boat/anything with a motor or stabbing by a someone with a grudge but decides to take it out on a whole town. A couple of years ago, I sat one of those consumer surveys where they lay all the actors photos on the table and made everyone say what they thought about them. I didn’t really watch the show, I don’t really like it but for 60 dollars I’m sure I could make up something. After the summer, the new series of the show was back on, and surprise surprise the 3 characters who were thought of as stale, were to be killed off in a plane crash put there by an evil twin.

Back to the original question-what would we do without soap operas? We would live more normal lives, not corrupted by awful story lines and terrible actors found off teenage girl magazine competitions.

The Big Bang

This blog is dedicated to the “hit” comedy tv series “The Big Bang”. I have one word to say about this show- LAME.

If you haven’t seen the show, it’s about a group of 4 nerds who make the recorded laughter crack up everytime there is a less than funny punch line encompassing how geeky these people are. And of course, there is the cool hot blonde girl who is willing to befriend the nerds but is unaware of the feelings of the main nerd-Leonard towards here. Two of the guys live together, one who is a hypochondriac, monotonal super nerd, play 3D chess, and battle it out for the champion of the world in Halo tournaments. To add to the viewer’s insult for tv networks spruking crappy sitcomes in the non-ratings summer period, this show also contains the token non-Caucasian who constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY makes obnoquious stereotypical racial jokes about how or why he doesn’t fit in. And the other guy on the show who portrays a Jewish student living with his mother. Eurgh, enough said.

What more would you expect from the producers who brought you “Two and a Half Men”.

Christmas

I just realised about an hour ago that November  was already over and that I was looking at the wrong month on the calander for the past week. So that means that the end of the year is nearly upon us! And therefore endless Christmas movies and Tim Allen shines as the true Santa Clause.That man can not fail at making a great feel good Christmas movie. Take “The Santa Clause”- excellent. It was an ingenious idea that if you accidently kill Santa by harrassing him while he’s doing the job you couldn’t do because as I recall it, you were a dead-beat dad anyway, then yes, you deserve to bare the burden of going around the world drinking luke warm milk put under the tree as you try to squeeze down a grubby chimney. I didn’t quite enjoy “The Santa Clause 2”. I had a complex about the boy’s step father denying every chance he could, that Tim was the actual Santa. Hey buddy, just because you can’t spread good love and cheer to the world through the means of presents to materialistic children (and of course those who really desearve presents) then that’s something you have to deal with!

So thank you Tim Allen for restoring my faith in Christmas. I only now have to look forward to Easter where I will watch Mel Gibson’s horrible version of the Stations of the Cross, be traumatised by that and only to wish it were Christmas again.

Post-Aria thoughts

I don’t care.

The Arias

Yay. Once again Australia’s most “talented” pop stars come out to play. Cue the numerous performance from idol rejects and super group girl bands. One hour of coverage on what lack of clothing people have on, and another couple of hours sitting around to see your favourite artist who actually has talent yet again be unappreciated for all their hard work and skill. Great.

My boyfriend thinks it’s most likely that Keith Urban will be yet again be put on a pedestal, for really, nailing Nicole Kidman. Why bother giving someone an award when they’re never in the country or have ever written a good song?!

I was looking at the top 30 songs on commericial radio, and here are some of what we have: P!nk (YOU HAVE AN EXCLAMATION MARK AS AN “I” IN YOUR NAME), Lady Gaga (*sigh* I guess anyone can get an album made these days), Ne-Yo(Another carbon copy RnB singer), Katy Perry (Enough, you wrote a song just for shock value, and now it’s old.), and oh my favourite, Miley Cyrus.  There seems to be this upsurge of Disney gremlin children making their names known amongst tweens. Who the hell are the Jonas Brothers?? I watched an advertisement of them promoting their movie “Camp Rock” (probably more sense if you called it “Rock Camp”) and was it just another High School Musical?

On High School Music, I’ve had enough. Surely one school can’t sing that much. Why can’t you just speak normally? You don’t have to keep breaking into song every 10 minutes to express who you feel inside, the pain you face between your choice of the girl who disgraced herself on the internet and your Americana basketball team, who in every movie are sure to win because they’ve persisted through and overcome adversity.

I’m going to go listen to some GOOD music, without ads on how to get over an erection problem, or learning how to get advertisment on the radio. Screw you crappy music.

In Sync

I don’t get much time to watch tv, but recently the new Clearasil ads have been on constant repeat. This one involves two girls sitting in a cafe when all of a sudden a moderately unattractive boy approaches and the blonde girl grabs her phone to cover the pimple that isn’t really there. The other girl gives her speel on said face wash and all its magically microbeads, and within a couple of days, much like all the other teenages who have stared in similar ads, the pimple goes away! :O

The bit that rubs me the wrong way, is the TERRIBLE English dubbing. Surely somewhere along the lines of doing the voice over, someone must of thought “Hmmm…I don’t think we can pull this off and still be credible”. It’s clear that trying to fit English words and sounds into the mouths of girls who are speaking Danish or possible German won’t work!

I especially love the bit at the end where with all the confidence in the world, and dirt-free pores, she struts up to the same boy she ignored before, and probably brought his self esteem down to almost nothing. She blew her chance the first time! She tries to redeem herself by rudely snatches his phone, and tells the person on the other line to get stuffed and cheekily looks at the boy and makes the “beeep” sound at the end of the message. Now, if I was that guy I’d be pretty pissed off. How dare she take his phone and answer for him! It could’ve been a very important message and she was too selfish to recognise that.

Bitch.

Midnight feast anyone?

My house smells weird right now. I spent most of the night trying to work out why there was a hint of burning, with just a smidge of burning that was filling up my room. It’s about 11 and the people living behind us are either cooking a bbq or burning rubbish.  I don’t know what burning rubbish smells like, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t smell like sausages. I left my bedroom window open this morning, so therefore everything including my clothes (I employ the clothes on the floor/bed/between the sheets system of wardrobing)is to smell like charred meat!And I obviously can’t air out my room, BECAUSE OPENING THE WINDOW IS WHAT CAUSED THE SMELL IN THE FIRST PLACE!

:(

Dance somewhere else where someone cares

I don’t care for reality shows involving singing, dancing, getting punched in the nuts or being knocked into water by a moving wall with a hole in it.

Within a month after winning one of those shows, if you don’t sell any records, gain a little weight or even worse not make it from the bottom from Celine Dion’s dance troupe because that was the ultimate “prize” after going through months end of wasted time and constant ridicule, essentially, no one gives a crap who you are. You’ll now be D grade celebrities, appearing in MORE dancing and singing shows, getting your month’s worth of fame, then it’s back to being a nobody again. Horray.Good for you.

What’s annoying is that all the good shows get put in porno-ad time slots and we get stuck with this rubbish in primetime.

I hate reality tv.